I have spent years trying to build a fence at the edge of the cliff. However it seems that in our society there are only ambulances at the bottom.
I have been blessed with a child that doesn't fit the typical mould. One of those children who will take you to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. In the scheme of things his issues are not as bad as others. I should know I actually work in a system alongside children like him, their families and educators. However it doesn't make our journey any easier or less tiring. He requires a mountain of emotional energy on a good day as we attempt to navigate daily life. And if it is a not so good day then the tank generally runs dry.
My wish for my children is that they reach their individual potential, whatever that maybe. However sadly of late I have seen this start to slip away. As a Mum I could easily wear the label of "neurotic", but I don't believe I am. I am a Mum who wants the best but does not expect her kids to be something they are not. Don't get me wrong I have had to readjust my expectations along the way but I believe that I am realistic in what I think they are capable of.
We needed some help of some description, my sons needs are beyond the skill set I possess and to be fair my primary role is to be his Mum, not his therapist, social worker, counsellor or friend. So I did what many parents would do I set out to get some. Boy what a journey we have been on. He didn't seem to "fit" into anybody's system, or be of concern enough. I have rung so many agencies and spoken to a number of people but no one seemed able to truely help.
Day by day my fears were beginning to be realised - he would hurt someone or hurt himself. I so don't what to be a parent of "that" child but it was starting to look like that. I kept making phone calls and eventually I got where I thought we should be. The relief was immense, sadly I mistaken. Did they really listen, not really. He was put in a "box" had been labelled as years ago. A label that I really don't think completely fits but with this label this is the road we have to travel.
To my relief someone finally did listen, and we are on a little detour driving along the cliff edge rather than off it. I'm still not convinced that we are headed in the right direction, as there is so much history to undo in his and our learnt behaviours and coping strategies.
The journey so far has given me an even greater level of empathy for those many parents who fight the system daily. It makes me sad that we have to fight so hard to get what we need. Energy that could be used much more beneficially in looking after ourselves and those we care about.
Our journey is far from over so I will continue to build fence and I will not stop. I do not want to be calling the ambulance. My wish is that others would step alongside me to assist with the build.
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